Practice Run

I was sitting in church last week, on Sunday morning. Our place is a lovely Catholic Church in Linden Hills, nestled in South Minneapolis and just a few blocks from the beautiful Lake Harriet. I was introduced to the church by a dear friend that was married there in 2001. The church is set up like a small arena or round theater with the center space as the alter. It's simply decorated and brings in some nice, natural light in the morning.

Being a visual person, I'm constantly looking around, soaking in every detail I can in the hour I'm there. I tend to get distracted by movement, sound and the presence of others in the space. The sounds on this day are amazing, as a favorite cantor sings out. Scott and I are always amazed by the effortless and rich voice that comes from this young girl. She has an amazing gift to sing! So it's a special treat when she is there, as part of the service.

Another distraction that morning becomes a mother, sitting across the room from me. As the priest moves through the homily in the center of the church, she sits behind him and is in my sight. She holds, in her arms a young baby - about three months old. The child is like an extension of her body, as she holds her close and with ease. What I crave is how a mom nuzzles a baby close to her neck. This must be an amazing feeling, to be that close to your child. As I follow her moments, I seek out other mothers tending to their young ones. It's like a task I've been given for the morning. I find a few more moms with little ones, a couple of dads as well.

These past four years I have a tendency to notice mothers with babies and mothers with "bellies". The bellies still fascinate me! I don't think there's anything more beautiful than this. I've never gotten to the point of having a "bump", so I find myself wondering what it would be like - what I would look like. Fascinating - it's the simple things in life that can make my mind wander...

Today, I'm not pregnant.

We're calling it a practice run. And we may have more of these to come, before we can see the Intralipid in action. Tomorrow we start the process over with another treatment. This time I will not need to fly out to Chicago. Instead, I will have the intravenous infusion at my home. With help from my amazing physician Dr. A, I was able to access the drug for administration through a local program. I'm more than delighted, knowing I can eliminate the stress that comes with traveling to Chicago every time I need the treatment.

I expect tomorrow to go smoothly. We start over, again. We hope for a positive pregnancy test in about two weeks. If that does not happen, we do it again. They say.... practice makes perfect.